I am His

What a huge blessing to know that I belong to the creator and king of the universe! Not only do I belong...but I was bought at a very high price! God allowed His one and only son to die a horrific death just so He could call me His. Just so He could welcome me with open and joyous arms into His family, forever. So that He could call me His child. Me. A sinner. Not just any sinner, but one that can barely go any length of time without doing/thinking/saying/feeling something uncharacteristic of Christ, who was perfect, truly without blemish. God allowed His perfect son to die...for us. How anyone could actually allow that to happen for me is completely incomprehensible to me! I just don't get it. Sure, I've always believed God sent His son to die for me....yet I have never been able to fully wrap my mind around it. And as I've grown and become increasingly aware of my faults/sins/blemishes/ugliness....it becomes harder and harder to grasp. Why would He ever do that for me?? I cannot even come remotely close to deserving this gift. I am completely and utterly unworthy. However, the truth of the matter never falters. "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16). Even when I fail, when I let Him down, He is still overjoyed to call me His child. Nothing I could do/say/think would ever make Him love me less. That open invitation is always there. Wow, now that's love! And it is available to ANYONE who believes. I may not understand it, but I most definitely believe it and am so so thankful for it!

      

Mosaic of life

Thank you Jesus for the freedom to openly attend church and for the blessing of a Christ centered, loving church.

My church is a little unique in that our first service is a time of open sharing. One man starts with a short devotional and then the floor is open to whoever wants to share what God has put on their hearts, Bible verses, prayer, encouraging words, or song requests. A theme that began the service today and then was intertwined throughout was that of trials. Now this perfectly fit a story I wanted to share! But as many people wanted to contribute and I am not a fan of the spotlight...the service came and went without any movement from my safe place in the church pew. Hmm....good thing I have plenty of time and courage to share here. :)

A few weeks ago I was listening to a Focus on the Family radio broadcast. The man speaking had been born with Cerebral Palsy. (For those that do not know much about this disorder, it is a non-progressive neurological disorder occurring at birth that can cause a varying degree of muscle coordination impairments, affecting both gross and fine motor movements. Thus, impairments may be barely visible or may result in an individual being completely unable to care for himself.) I do not remember the specifics of this man's impairments, but many "normal" daily activities were not so easy for him. While many kids had goals of making a sports team or being in a dance recital, he was working towards independently cleaning himself up after using the bathroom. He was made fun of daily, not only as a child, but even on his college campus. He never understood why he had to go through this, but he never gave up and continued to be the best he could be...not only for himself, but more so for God. Until one day he was at his wits end...unsure of the purpose of this life he had to lead. Looking over he saw a BEAUTIFUL mosaic. Wow, if only my life could look like that. Taking a closer look, the mosaic was made of hundreds of tiny pieces of material....hmm, each of those pieces really aren't that pretty, in fact, they are kinda ugly! But when pieced together by a talented artist, wow! All of a sudden a breath taking picture is revealed from those tiny ugly pieces of material. The speaker then realized that this was just like his life....lots of ugly stories being pieced together by an awesome (the BEST!) artist. He alone could take all those hideous stories, sins, trials, etc and put them together to create something amazing. One way (along with many others) God was doing that in this man's life, was giving him a touching story in which to encourage others. This was actually a blessing...not a curse.

Man did that speak to me!! Such a great tale and one that I could apply to my story. But as life would have it, that story inevitably went on the back burner of my mind. A week or two ago at church, while sitting in the first service and listening to all the encouraging words and prayers of my brothers and sisters....I sat there distraught. "God, I want to a clean slate! There are so many ugly parts of my life...times when I was far from you, blatantly ignored you, or was faced with some sort of trial....I want a fresh start, please Lord, take it all away!" Well, of course I knew my past could not be changed....but I was just so sick of the sins of my past and the trials I was currently facing, can't you just get rid of them?! And just like that I heard Him softly remind me "Stephanie, I am God! I can use all those hideously ugly pieces to make something beautiful. And I am doing that! Yes, there will be consequences to your sins, but I can (and will!) still use all those things (even the consequences) to make something beautiful." He went on to remind me of that radio broadcast....telling me He could make a gorgeous mosaic out of my much less than perfect life, taking those broken pieces and gently putting them together to create a whole masterpiece. 

My life is far....FAR...from perfect. In fact, there are many parts of my life I honestly wish I could forget, as I know they bring tears to my heavenly Father's eyes. But not only has He completely forgiven me, He is using those segments of my life to teach me and mold me into the woman He wants me to be! Ok, that's seriously incredible. While thinking about all of this, I was reminded of a passage that I absolutely love, "He has made everything beautiful in it's time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)." He is using all those dark and ugly times in my life to make me beautiful. Yes, it may be hard and even painful (very painful!) at times, but He is taking each situation in my life and using it to scrape off the rough edges of who I am. Making me smooth and lovely, presentable to Him one day. Even in my short life, I can definitely look back and see ways He has already been doing this! He's still got a million miles to go on my life, but it's so encouraging to see those tiny pieces coming together to glorify Him. Man, do we have an awesome God or what?!?!

Here I am Lord

While listening to the radio on the way to work yesterday morning, a little devotional was shared that I really appreciated. The speaker was talking about preparing our hearts for Christmas and being ready for whatever God has planned for us. She read from the book of Luke, chapter 1. The part she focused in on was when the angel appeared to Mary and told her she was going to have a Son and that He would be the Son of God. Can you imagine, a young, unmarried, virgin girl being told she's about to have a baby! While having a baby is a super exciting event, the situation as a whole must have been very scary and intimidating to her. Although she was engaged to be married, becoming pregnant before the wedding day could mean losing her soon to be husband. Would he still want to marry her? What would happen if he didn't? Would this young teen girl be left to fend for herself with a newborn baby? How could she raise him alone? These are just a few of the numerous questions that would pop into my mind in that scenario....but Mary's response was perfect and showed her faith: "'I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May your word to me be fulfilled."' Wow! She didn't start pouring out questions/fear/concerns...she simply said ok. Ok God, let it be as you say. I'd like to think I have a faith like that, but if I'm completely honest with myself...I can tell you flat out that's not the case. But this is an area in which I'm trying to improve. As a Christian, I am a servant of the Lord, here to do His will, not my own. "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21).

I absolutely LOVE Mary's readiness and openness to do whatever God asks, no matter how preposterous or scary it may seem. She humbled herself to His will because she knew He had a plan and she desired His purpose to prevail. How cool is that. And look at the book of Isaiah! "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here I am, send me!'" (Isaiah 6:8). In 1 Samuel it is written "Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, 'Here I am'." I desperately want that kind of faith. But so often I find excuses, big and small (I'm too busy, that's too hard, I don't want to, I have other plans, I'm not smart/strong/skilled enough, etc). Many times I don't even realize I'm making the excuse until it's too late. Little by little I am getting better at this. But I pray one day my response may be a quick and solid "Here I am Lord, send me"

                                                 

                                                                                                        (LOVE this song! <3 )

Philippians 4:6